He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I die, sorry about rent.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize