But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
