the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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