I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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