I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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