i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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