goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I party with great urgency now.
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