He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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