they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
