I feel like I'm in dance class right now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You pole danced in your parka.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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