btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
