the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize