I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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