dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
