Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
