Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
