I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize