I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
