its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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