so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize