Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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