He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
