Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
