I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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