And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
