I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
