gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
