Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
