I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
