May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
