I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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