I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
