oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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