dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I believe in your delicious
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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