Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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