So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
