yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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