we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
