I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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