So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
