Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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