it was like his penis was on wheels.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
