I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
