Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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