The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i now understand why vodka
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
