Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
