I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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