I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
