i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
