K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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