butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
