Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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