it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize