I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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