i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
