if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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