i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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