I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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