my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
