I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
